In a stunning ruling, the Court declared Trump’s tariffs illegal, revealed that nearly 70% of the roughly $500 BILLION collected can’t be traced, and ordered immediate refunds — plus a federal investigation into where the money went.
WASHINGTON — In a dramatic episode of “Separation of Powers: Endgame”, the Supreme Court reportedly entered the courtroom carrying a giant novelty gavel labeled “Checks” on one side and “Balances” on the other.
Eyewitnesses say the justices didn’t just rule — they slam-dunked.
The ruling, which legal scholars are calling “Article I with a vengeance,” reminded America that tariffs are not a presidential hobby like golf or tweeting at 3 a.m. Sources confirm the Constitution was briefly dusted off, opened, and dramatically pointed at.
Markets reacted instantly.
Wall Street went from “Is this a trade war?” to “Wait… we have rules?” in under 30 seconds.
In a statement, a fictional constitutional expert explained:
“You can’t just wake up and decide, ‘Today I tariff Canada because maple syrup hurt my feelings.’ That’s not how this works.”
Meanwhile, economists were seen cautiously emerging from hiding, clutching supply-and-demand graphs like emotional support animals.
Supporters called the decision “judicial activism.”
Critics called it “reading.”
One anonymous law clerk was overheard whispering:
“Turns out ‘Executive Order’ is not Latin for ‘I do what I want.’”
Political analysts say this marks a rare bipartisan moment where everyone simultaneously Googled, “Who actually controls tariffs?”
At press time, the Constitution remained undefeated.
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